New blog, new camera & self-confidence

Honestly, it felt like today was a good day for me. I felt fully in control of my emotions.

Now, I know that sounds odd, so I'll explain. I suffer from several issues that all pertain to a diagnosed mood disorder, Manic Depression. Because of this, I lack self-confidence. But with a camera and some self motivation, I helped myself today.

I'm not experienced in taking photos aside from my smart phone (all hail the selfie stick!!), so aside from trying to figure out angles and fighting lighting, I believe I did alright.

Aside from being in the sweltering southern sun, I finally brought together an outfit I felt like myself in. For a long time I would dress according to society, mostly because of my lack of confidence. However, as I walked out the door this afternoon in black boots, a choker, red hair, and proudly showing off my kickass new thigh tattoo, I felt like I was really in a place I wanted to be.

So, I gained a lot of unwanted attention in public, but I felt like myself. I felt like I wasn't really hiding and in all honesty that was more then enough for me.

As soon as I got home, I grabbed the new camera and went outside and kept up my high, being my own model.

It's always been hard for me to accept myself, accept who I have been. Really, it felt like relief, tasted like freedom.

And, really, that made all the bullshit super worth it.